Being in a fulfilling relationship is rewarding. They also require ongoing care.
Very often couples get caught up in patterns of negative interactions, having the same fights over and over. They don’t like it, would like to change it, but don’t know how to talk about it. Over time they become less and less connected to one another, leaving them feeling frustrated and alone in the relationship.
Oftentimes, partners have differing responses to crises or sudden ‘threats’ to emotional or physical safety. Our therapists offer in-person couples relationship therapy and counseling at our Denver, CO office, as well as online therapy services when indicated. Our office is just east of Cherry Creek, and we see couples from Cherry Creek, Glendale, Hilltop, Lowry, Virginia Vale, Wash Park, Belcaro, Bonnie Brae, Congress Park, City Park, and the greater Denver area.
We understand every couple is unique. We are skilled in helping you both navigate this healing process, regardless of how you came to find yourself in this place of seeking support and help.
Relationship Distress
Dating and Creating Connection
Persistent Disconnection
Pre-Marital and Early Marriage
We are LGBTQ+ affirming therapists.
Through this couples/marriage counseling process, you will learn how to communicate with your partner, gain a clearer understanding of what your partner needs, and learn how to remain connected with your partner in time of need so that you can turn to each other for comfort and connection.
As Emotionally Focused Couples Therapists, we help you and your partner identify the root cause of the interactional patterns that leave you feeling alone and frustrated. By exploring each partner’s experience in the relationship, during your couples counseling or therapy, we will help you share your inner thoughts with each other in an effective way so you can gain new and powerful insight about each other. These new insights also help you make sense of what has been contributing to those patterns that pushed you away from each other. Understanding each other - and these patterns - in a new way will draw you closer to one another, facilitate healing and allow for new, fulfilling patterns of interaction to evolve between you.
We often recommend for couples to read ‘Hold Me Tight’ by Dr. Sue Johnson during the early stages of couples/marriage counseling. Dr. Johnson is the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy and wrote this book for couples to help them strengthen, revitalize or rescue their relationship and experience a more fulfilling connection with one another. We recently received this email from one of our clients who beautifully articulates the power of being vulnerable and the clarity that can accompany new insight into our own steps of the relationship dance:
“Hold Me Tight and Love Sense introduced a radically different way to look at love and relationships that literally saved my marriage from divorce. My husband and I were on the brink of calling it quits, thinking that something must be wrong with one of us, or both of us, and that we weren’t cut out to be together.
Thankfully, I read Hold Me Tight first and realized that nothing is wrong with me, my husband or our marriage! We simply weren’t attuned to the natural behaviors and reactions of one another. We didn’t realize how much we needed one another and how important our bond was to our survival as humans. ”
What will it look like?
Our couples therapists are certified and trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy. We follow the structure of this method because it is research based and provides the highest level of success as measured by sustained positive change. The structure (described below) integrates a combination of time spent with both of you together, and time spent with you individually. We know that couples get caught up in patterns of negative interactions, having the same fights over and over and come to us because they don’t know how to talk about it in a way that leads to change. This structure helps you to change that!
Before your first session
Hop on the phone with Ally, our Client Engagement Specialist. She will put you and your partner at ease as you talk about what your relationship needs and help you decide if our practice feels like we are a match for you. We do offer early morning and lunchtime appointments and can coordinate a conference call between two partners should you both wish to participate in the call. Once your first counseling appointment is scheduled, your therapist will personally call you to introduce themself to you and welcome you to the practice. This is an additional opportunity to ask questions and begin forming your relationship.
Session 1: Together (conjoint session)
In your first session, the two of you meet together with your therapist, and you will share the story of your relationship, where you’ve been as a couple (past successes and past hurts), where you are now (describing the stuck spots) and where you hope to go (what kind of relationship do you want to have). This is a ‘no one is the bad guy’ process. Both partners will be equally heard and all experiences will be explored.
Sessions 2 and 3: Individual attachment sessions
Next, your therapist meets with each of you separately for one individual session. These are called attachment sessions. This is a valuable opportunity for your therapist to really get to know each of you individually, speak more about your individual history and important experiences that pre-date your current relationship. Your therapist will more fully understand your perspective on the world, yourself and your relationship and be better able to help you reach YOUR relationship goals.
Session 4 onward: Together
From your fourth session on, every session is conjoint, with both of you in the room.
Wrapping up
Throughout the couples counseling process, you will be collaborating with your therapist regarding pacing and progress. Your therapist will always work in service of moving through the therapy process at a pace that optimizes momentum but is slow enough to facilitate lasting change. You and your therapist will decide collaboratively when you have ‘completed’ the therapy journey and have reached your goals.
Let the healing begin
Pre-Marital/Early Marriage Counseling
Are you engaged? Considering engagement? Recently married and want to get started off right? A fulfilling marriage can be one of the most rewarding experiences of life. Surprisingly, successful partnerships that endure life’s ups and downs also experience conflict and challenge. It is how couples manage conflict that separates those who endure, from those that last only a few years.
Many couples don’t understand the importance of pre-marital counseling, and have a hard time placing value in couples counseling when they are already in a happy, healthy relationship. Those who pursue pre-marital/couples counseling during their engagement or very early in their marriage can significantly reduce their risk of divorce by developing a higher level of marital satisfaction. Here is what you can expect from pre-marital/early marriage counseling: First, we will highlight the strengths of your relationship and discuss strategies for utilizing those strengths to prevent marital strain and overcome unavoidable hurdles. We will provide a supportive, non-judgmental environment to discuss any areas of your relationship you wish to change or improve. Lastly, we will guide you through the process of discussing important issues that every couple should explore before engaging in marriage, such as having and raising children, financial issues in your marriage and establishing roles within the relationship. Discussing these subjects can sometimes be anxiety provoking; however, we will facilitate respectful, positive communication which will allow both partners to express their authentic desires and concerns in a way that is productive and ultimately results in mutual understanding.
What does it cost?
The fee for our services depends on which therapist you see and your session length. Fees are set according to the therapist’s level of expertise, experience, and training. Our fees range from $80 - $250 for 50-minute sessions and $120-$375 for 75-minute sessions.
We currently accept Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs) for all of our services. We currently are not participating with any insurance companies. However, we are considered ‘out of network’ (OON)providers which means we can provide you with the documentation you need to submit a request to your insurance company for reimbursement.
Cash, Checks and all major debit/credit cards are accepted for payment.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is It Too Late for Us?
Some of you who are considering couples/marriage counseling are wondering if it’s too late for therapy. You have experienced too much pain, betrayal, or ‘second chances’ and feel there is no hope for getting back ‘what you once had’. We encourage you to consider couples counseling anyway. Often, when couples reach this point where they feel they have nothing left to lose, they are more open and honest with themselves and their partner. This creates a powerful opportunity for the true beliefs, feelings, and experiences of each partner to emerge. Couples relationship recovery therapy is what is needed to allow the process of healing to begin.
Why do you meet with each of us individually?
Each partner brings your own history into the relationship, and your history influences how you show up to your partner. Meeting one-on-one early on helps your therapist understand the broader context of your life. They will learn about your culture, identities, past relationships, family history and other important lived experiences you wish for them to know. This helps your therapist support both of you more completely once you are working together again.
Will what I say in my individual session be kept secret from my partner?
Your therapist will discuss this important part of their approach to information shared in individual sessions before you begin. The goal of couples therapy is to build trust and openness, so it is important your therapist does not hold secrets that would undermine the client-therapist relationship or worse, the couples work overall. If a ‘secret’ comes up that your therapist feels is important for your partner to know, your therapist will help you think through how and when to share it in a way that feels safe and helpful to your relationship.
What if only one of us wants to come to therapy?
It is not uncommon for one partner to be more hesitant to start therapy. We invite the hesitant partner to join the first session, ask questions and see what it is like. If your partner is not ready, individual therapy can also be a helpful place to start.
How long are sessions, and how often should we come?
Weekly therapy is the gold standard for successful therapy, with relationship therapy engaging in 75-minute sessions (rather than 50 minutes). Research has shown that frequency of sessions, and session length, contribute to successful therapy outcomes.
As emotionally focused therapists, we believe the weekly cadence is important as we help our clients break old, embedded negative patterns and create new, positive patterns.
Do you work with all types of relationships?
We welcome individuals, couples and relationships of all types, backgrounds and orientations and provide a safe and inclusive environment for all of our clients. We are LGBTQ+ and CNM affirming therapists.
What if we want to work on our sexual relationship?
Our team of highly trained therapists specialize in helping people explore sexuality, improve sexual experiences and explore identity through a holistic and emotionally focused approach. Our team includes a certified sex therapist, and our Client Engagement Specialist can help you find the best fit.
“The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.”
Ready to get started with couples counseling?
Book your first session now.