How to Find a Couples Therapist in Denver: What to Know Before Your First Session
Getting clear on what YOU want and need from a therapist is an important first step in selecting one.
Asking them a few important questions to learn about their training and approach will give you the necessary information to decide who to pick for your first session.
What Credentials Should a Couples Therapist Have?
It might surprise you, but a therapist’s licensure credentials are not the most important criteria for a good couple’s therapist. The credentials may tell you who has met State licensure requirements, but they don’t tell you who is highly experienced in working with couples! This is important to know because you’ll want to be sure your therapist is specifically trained in a research based couples therapy model. This will ensure they know how to connect with each of you individually without taking sides. They will know how to exercise respectful therapeutic leadership and facilitate interventions to create new and healing interactions in therapy, rather than fighting in the therapy room. The couples therapist’s specific training gives them the experience needed to excel in these skills.
Reading beyond the licensure to ensure the therapist is highly trained in a model such as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy will differentiate between those who truly specialize in working with couples, and those who are ‘generalist’ in the field.
This distinction matters specifically for couples therapists because the clinical approach, time management skills and the ability to maintainan unbiased approach are all critical for a healing experience. Seeing a general therapist for help with your relationship could leave you and your partner at risk of having an ineffective therapy experience. In some cases, partners end up feeling blamed, misunderstood and hopeless about their relationship simply because they aren’t working with someone who knows how to interpret and work with the distress in a relational way.
What Therapy Approaches Work Well for Couples?
The two most common and well researched types of couples therapy are the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Both models focus on creating positive change for the couple by improving connection on all levels (emotional, intellectual, sexual etc). The easiest way to describe the difference between the two is this:
The Gottman Method helps you identify the behaviors and responses that contribute to a cycle that leads to disconnection and focuses on changing those behaviors and responses. The idea is that if you change how you treat each other, it will change how you feel towards each other and in the relationship.
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps you identify the root cause of those ‘undesired’ behaviors and cyclical arguments in a way that causes lasting change. The model helps you name and share the emotions that exist under, and drive, those difficult behaviors, and explores them in a way that allows both partners to feel heard and understood in a way that is necessary for a deeper level of connection. The outcome of this process is a new pattern of interaction between partners rooted in secure attachment.
At Individual and Relationship Therapy Center, PLLC, our practice specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy. Our team includes therapists with extensive EFT training, including certified EFT therapists and supervisors.
What Should I Ask a Couples Therapist Before Booking?
Before compiling your list of potential therapists, you’ll want to identify a few criteria that are important to you and your partner:
Do you want to explore your insurance coverage?
It is important to know that many insurance companies do not cover couples therapy. You’ll want to know your coverage before you call a therapy practice so you can ask specific questions about your coverage.
Are you looking for a therapist who is geographically convenient or are you interested in virtual therapy via telehealth?
Not all therapists offer both so you’ll want to ask.
Are you interested in prioritizing an affordable fee or a more experienced therapist?
Experienced therapists will most often have a higher fee than a less experienced therapist.
Do you care about the gender or other identities of your therapist?
Many therapists will share important identities on their website. If they don’t, please ask! We want you to feel comfortable and understood by us!
Once you have a clear idea of what you need, ask the therapist a few questions before scheduling.
What model of therapy do you use and why?
Their answer should give you a sense of whether they have a specific framework for couples work rather than simply applying individual therapy techniques to two people at once.
How long have you been working with couples?
Experience matters as much as the training.
Do you ever see partners separately?
A good couples therapist should meet once with each partner separately but not regularly. The best work happens with both partners in the room at the same time!
What is your style?
Listen to see if you resonate with what they describe.
What is your availability on a weekly basis?
Make sure they are available at the same time you are free for session. If they don’t have openings when you are free, scheduling in the future will become an obstacle to a positive experience.
How long are your sessions?
75 – 90 minute sessions are preferable for couples therapy to allow enough time for both partners to feel the time spent was productive.
What Does a First Couples Therapy Session Look Like?
Your first session consists of your therapist sharing some important information about the therapy process. Although some call this ‘housekeeping’, we know this is very important information about confidentiality and practice policies. If not described well in the first session, misunderstandings could arise later.
You’ll then move into sharing your story with your therapist. This is a ‘high level’ overview of where you came from and what you feel contributed to the where you are now. Some clients share their story with ease. Others find it helpful if the therapist guides the conversation by asking questions. Our therapists can work either way!
Through the initial session, we start to get a sense of you and your relationship and you start to get a feel for your therapist’s personality and how they work in session.
How Do I Know If a Couples Therapist Is a Good Fit?
Defining a therapist as a ‘good fit’ is also somewhat subjective. You get to decide if the therapist feels like the right fit for you.
Here are some signals to look for that tell you your therapist is a good fit:
You have the felt sense of being heard and not talked over
You feel like you have time to share your thoughts and are not rushed.
Your therapist asks questions that feel relevant to you and if they don’t, you feel comfortable asking for clarification.
They can take the lead when you get stuck.
You feel understood.
You like their personality.
You feel like they know what they are doing!
You feel comfortable asking questions.
Red Flags to look out for:
The therapist talks more than you.
The therapist makes assumptions about you or your story.
You feel the therapist is aligning with one of you more than the other.
The therapist uses words like ‘you should/shouldn’t do that’ or ‘this is right/wrong’ before really knowing you and your world view!
You leave wondering if they know what they are doing.
A first session is also an opportunity for you to evaluate the therapist. You’re allowed to pay attention to how the experience feels.
How Do I Find a Couples Therapist Near Me in Denver?
If you’re looking for a couples therapist in Denver, consider both convenience and the therapist’s actual level of couples-specific training.
Our practice is located in Denver and provides in-person and virtual therapy to the Denver Metropolitan area. We primarily provide couples counseling in
Cherry Creek
Hilltop
Lowry
Denver
Glendale
Wash Park
City Park
Congress Park
The goal isn’t simply to find the closest therapist. It’s to find someone both partners can work with and who has the training to understand your relationship as a system, not two separate individuals sitting in the same room.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy in Denver
How much does couples therapy cost in Denver?
Fees for couples therapy in Denver will vary depending on experience level and session length. Experienced couples therapists will offer longer sessions (75-90 minutes). It’s important to weigh the value of experience and time in session when comparing fees.
How long does couples therapy take?
Though this is THE most asked question in therapy, it is impossible to answer this honestly before beginning treatment. We can, however, share the variables that contribute to the pacing of therapy:
Therapist/Client Fit – if you like your therapist, and they are highly skilled, you’ll move through it more swiftly
Frequency of session and session length – meeting weekly, for longer sessions, allows the therapist to capitalize on momentum and do deeper work during each session. Shorter sessions, with less frequent sessions lead to disengagement and disconnection with the process. Progress in session suffers between sessions.
Each partner’s willingness to be open to the process, trust the therapist and look within themselves to identify their contribution to the negative patterns of communication.
Can couples therapy help relationships if only one partner is willing to attend?
Couples therapy is always more productive when both partners participate. However, when that isn’t possible, our emotionally focused couples therapists can help you understand yourself and your view of your contribution to the negative patterns in a way that can guide you towards showing up differently with your partner and engaging in meaningful conversations with your partner that could lead to them joining you in therapy.
Ready to Talk With a Couples Therapist?
Choosing a couples therapist is personal. You’re looking for someone with the right training, but you’re also looking for someone both of you can trust enough to have difficult conversations with.
If you’re looking for couples therapy in Denver and would like to learn more about working with our team, you can view availability and schedule an appointment below.
