How to Tell Your Partner You Want Couples Counseling

You are feeling disconnected from your partner.  You miss feeling closer and wonder what is wrong between the two of you.  You’ve tried to figure it out yourself and are frustrated or discouraged. When you try to talk about it with your partner, the conversation doesn’t go anywhere. You have no idea how to tell your partner you want couples counseling. What if you get in a big fight and it makes things worse?

As a couples counselor in Denver who specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I’ve been asked how to suggest marriage counseling to your partner a million times. Honestly, I don’t believe there are ‘right’ words that work for everyone. I do believe there is a ‘right’ message that can be effective for most people.

When you suggest couples counseling to your partner, let them know you are interested in talking to someone who can help you better understand why the two of you aren’t as close as you used to be, learn new communication tools, and figure out how to settle arguments effectively.  Express your interest in identifying your own role in the ‘problems’. This will decrease the chance your partner will think you’re try to fix or change them.

You can also anticipate that your partner might respond by suggesting you go to couples counseling on your own.  This is a good time to remind your partner that you realize their perspective of you and your relationship is really important. If you attend therapy by yourself, the therapist will only hear your half of the story.  Remind your partner that you want to know their experience and having a therapist there, will help you better understand their perspective.  The reality is this: whether you have been fighting with your spouse about the same thing over and over again, or you’ve noticed patterns of interacting that neither of you like, this is happening ‘between’ the two of you. One person working towards change is only going to net half the benefit.


An Emotionally Focused Therapist will support you both equally and no one will feel like it’s all their fault.  Our objective is to help you both feel heard and understood by each other in a way that allows you to, once and for all, understand how you’ve gotten into these patterns and how you can change them into interactions that bring closeness and connection.

Whether you are dealing with poor communication with your spouse, constant arguing, or even dealing with an affair, we are here to help. Ready to seek couples counseling? Reach out to us today and start working on bettering your relationship.